24 hours in the life of a Pan-cat

Dear Diary,
my humans are under the impurrression that I do nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

This statement is completely untrue and I wish to cat-a-log my very very busy day. I shall start my records from 1am.

01.00am House is all dark, my humans are asleep - what lazy creatures they are, they lie deep in their beds while I run up and down the stairs with my favourite sponge balls in my mouth - oh what delight as I scamper up and down (light as a furry feather) and clatter in and out of the bathroom. I ruffle up the bath mat because it looks soo much better like that - I wish my humans would leave it but No-o-o they have to flatten it out each time. Sigh...better go and lie on the big humans' bed - just make sure they are all right, they might need a bit of cat-protection from monsters.

05.00am It is getting light, my humans ARE STILL ASLEEP - and they say I do nothing?? Time to kiss them, each and every one with my icy cold nose - just to show them that I do love them despite their sloth like behaviour.

05.30am repeat the above exercise - I only got a partial response - two just slept on in their beds, one snorted and grunted and the last one stroked my back and tickled my neck - result!

05.35am cancel that last happy comment - was booted off bed by snorty and grunty one..... going to find a spider to drop in his mouth - ha! That will teach him.

06.00am - Time to get humans up. They have DefiNiTely OVER SLEPT!

06.35am Raced one human to the bathroom as she yawned her way across the hall. I have finally trained her that before she purrrforms any of her ablutions, she is to turn on the tap so I can have a drink.

06.45am Already in the kitchen awaiting breakfast. Service is slow this morning as both big humans stumble about doing things - not sure what all I know is I am NOT getting fed......


7am - 7.20am All four humans are bumbling about at various stages of panic - never really sure what they are doing but they seem to speed up and all crash out the door in one noisy lump. The house is finally mine again - I only keep them indoors to ensure the fire and food is ready for me (although I have to say that the staff do need reminding every now and then) right, a quick nap to keep my strength up.....


10.30am - that was a good little nap. Now to check what is going on around outside. Plenty of humans wandering around - silly things.

11.00am A bit of bird watching never did anycat any harm - gets the juices flowing when I chatter at the silly little feathery things. All this activity gives a cat a raging thirst. Good thing I can get a drink from the kitchen tap - mind you, I can only do this when no one is looking - my humans get a little grouchy when I do this - not sure why.....

11.30am - A quick cruise by my meal platter - hmmmm, not sure about these new biscuits. Much much prefurrred my last ones but according to my humans it was this food that made my skin tickle with a fiery burn that made me scratch like mad. I blame my humans for torturing me by making me wear a cone of shame.....hiss spit!

12.00pm Yawn, bit of nap needed, lucky for me the sun is coming in through this patio door - purrfect .zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

12.30pm Just checking out this chair for comfort levels - middling to good - may have to come back to this one to try it again.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

1pm Testing this chair for possible cute poses - my humans seem to feel I have to purrform a cute pose - this reduces them to a coo-ing ingratiating mess....sigh, I need to work on them again. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

1.30pm A quick nibble - hmmm, still not sure of these biscuits but a cat has to keep body and fluff together, if I don't eat I shall become weak and lose control of my cat-pack. So soldier on and eat up!

2pm Found a box, stalked it and made it cower in the corner. A quick pounce and the box was mine! I've not lost the touch....now what can I do?

2.10pm Found ANOTHER BOX! Purrfect - did a bit more pouncing and once again I triumphed! Think I need a power nap.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

3pm - Yawn - that was good, now - better inspect the house before they come home, I have got it just like I like it and they are sure to mess it up. Now to sit at the door til they arrive.

5pm Three of the four have been home for a quite a while now, the calming catatonic atmosphere I created has been replaced by music and chatter - enough to make a cat's ears wilt. My boys are doing homework at their compurrters and the big one is in the kitchen cooking - think it is time to cruise by and work my charms - see what I can get.... might even help with the washing up - I LoVe washing up time!

5.30am My last human is home, she always picks me up and buries her face into my fluffy tum - grrrrrr put me down human! How dare you!


6pm My humans seemed to have calmed down and the house is a little less frantic, best stare at the fire and let them know I wish it to be lit

6.30pm bliss

6.45pm Human! Come over here - the fire needs more wood - hurry up!

7pm I am feeling a little hot and bothered - think I will lie somewhere a little cooler - my foolish human has made the fire far too hot for my delicate self - sigh, once again I am being let down  by the staff.

7.15pm That's better, sitting behind the curtain and staring firmly at the neighbours has certainly cooled me down.

7.30 Gosh I'm tired, think I might take a nap.

7.35pm May be not! Ooh my favourite toy - a green-fluffy-snaky-thing-on-a-stick - this is when I turn into a levitating-cat - such is my power, my humans ooh and aah and  abase themselves at my paws - as they should.

8pm I know I shouldn't have - but ooh a cat has to let her fur down every now and then and return to her kittenhood

9 - 10pm it is the boys bed time, I have to escort them up and ensure they get to their beds safely. A quick safety check under their beds to catch any moths or monsters, then a noisy gallop up and down the hall way, a rattle around the loft conversion, back downstairs, job done, time for a nap before bed time.

11pm - Ahh, all humans are either in bed or on their way - the house is mine again, I know what I'll do, I will have a quick game with my favourite sponge ball, run up and down the stairs - I know they love it coz I keep hearing them mutter things from their beds!

So you see dear diary - I am a busy little furry soul, happy and safe in the knowledge that this little kingdom is mine and all the staff are at various stages of their training....I've got it sussed ****




****PS added by one of the humans (Dear little Pan-cat - your little world is about to be turned upside down and you will not be an only cat for much longer - I wish to apologise in advance but it will be for your own good and you will agree {eventually})

Good night.