you are a sniveling, snotty mess.
You appear to have completely melted into the settee.
As a superior cat, I can neither condone or condemn this shameful dropping of standards.
You appear to be weak and defenseless against my powers!
I shall stomp on you, meow loudly on your face with my fish-biscuity breath to give you much needed encouragement.
I shall knead your chest as I purr-chant magical feline sagas to expel all coughs and hairballs.
At night, when you are at your most germ-ridden weakest, I will walk on you, whisper sweet cat-charms as I bestow upon you a mystical spell to aid your healing.
You can thank me later. No, I insist ... You will thank me later, but you can start by getting off the settee and feed me.... gah what does a superior cat have to do around here to keep some sort of order!
I will be keeping a beady eye on you ...
Pepper (your superior cat)