Christmas cracker (jokes) - the alternative advent 14

Did you hear about the stupid plastic surgeon? Yes. He stood in front of the fire and melted! Doctor, Doctor! Everyone thinks I'm a liar! Doctor: I don't believe you! Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn't get wet! Why not? Because it wasn't raining! How can you get your name in lights the world over? Change your name to Emergency Exit! How do monkeys make toast? Stick some bread under the gorilla! How do you start a polar-bear race? Say 'Ready! Teddy! Go!' How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?" How do you describe a rich elf? Welfy How long should an elf's legs be? Just long enough to reach the ground! How does Father Christmas climb up a chimney? He uses a ladder in the stocking! I say, I say, I say! My wife's gone to the West Indies! Jamaica? No. She was quite happy to go! What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ? She gave him the cold shoulder ! What do snowmen wear on their heads ? Ice caps ! If I'm standing at the North Pole, facing the South Pole, and the East is on my left hand, what's on my right hand? Fingers! sorry :D